The thoughts looping In My Head

Artist Statement

The Mayo Clinic defines Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) as “a condition related to brain development that impacts how a person perceives and socializes with others, causing problems in social interaction and communication. The disorder also includes limited and repetitive patterns of behavior.” As the name suggests, the symptoms of ASD present on a spectrum.

Autistic people like me are likely to have repetitive thoughts and behaviors. I call my repetitive thoughts fixations. My fixations are a normal part of my thinking; there is almost always something looping in the back of my mind.

These thoughts often contain my interests, such as Legos, fixing cars, and taking photos. I am always thinking about Legos. I am always thinking about cars. I am always thinking about my wife Eva, who I call Orange. I am always thinking about how the things I see would present as photographs. My fixations are not always positive; sometimes I fixate on things that bother or scare me. No matter how much I work on Orange’s car, it will look broken to me. Orange’s car is broken. When Orange moved to the city, I couldn’t help but think of how busy and terrifying it was to me. There are simply too many variables, too many people, and constant change. I do not like change. Orange’s car is broken. Orange lives in Minneapolis now. Minneapolis is scary. I do not like change. Noises are often too quiet or too loud, my clothes are not soft enough, or there is simply too much in my field of vision for me to process. When I get sensory overload, I feel anxious and out of control, sometimes I even shut down completely. I never get the same parking spot twice. Too much change. Too many noises. Too many things to look at. Too many smells coming from too many places. 

I often have a hard time expressing these thoughts and feelings to others, but art is the one form of communication that has come willingly.

The photos in the show are my way of showing how I think. Orange is the center because she makes me happy and is my person. There is another photo where I am not looking at the camera, I’m looking away because I can’t really do eye contact. There are lots of overlapping/ double exposures so you can see how sensory things affect me. The ice crack on the car is showing that I see the car as broken even though its not. The city overwhelms my senses, and the self portrait looking up is showing you what’s in my head.

My photographs explain my experiences better than any words I’ve ever used. This show explains to you how I think and process information.